Sunday, July 19, 2009

"Not my child"

What fun! A bit of a change up from "Not Me" Monday. A bit of attention for our kids...isn't that what we really want anyway but would never really admit...yup, that's what I thought. MckMama's monkeys mishaps can be found here. What a great break for today!

Our kids are just the perfect example of an all American family. They are perfectly dressed, well mannered, and of course always a delight to be around. They say "please" and "thank you" without prompting and of course never utter the word "NO" to us. They are a delight all the time...and they didn't require any parenting what so ever to get this way. Lucky us!

Certainly you can see why our precious monkeys have never done any of the following...ever.

-Parker caught "goosing" the gentleman bent over in front of him...while waiting in line to jump in a bouncy house. Yes, my friends..."goose" know "checked his oil"...stuck his cute little chubby finger in the nice gentleman's..well, you know...bottom hole. Nope, did NOT happen. I was NOT mortified and did not hope and pray no one else saw either...while tears were running down my face from trying not to laugh out loud. I mean, what else could one do? He wasn't looking for attention, did not laugh and did not even look around to see if anyone was watching. The gentleman never even turned around. Just when I thought we were in the clear I felt a tap on my shoulder: "mam, I do believe that is the funniest thing I have ever seen"...uh, thank you? I was REALLY hoping no one saw!

-Neighborhood boy we hired to cut our grass comes to the door to introduce himself. Pleasantries out of the way and I turn to see my 3 year old twirling a rather large set of dice around his know, the ones joined together by a string. The ones you receive at a lingerie shower in college because it is so with body parts...the other with actions...yep, that kind! By now my face is as red as the dice and I am praying fervently that he does not let go of them and watch them tumble to land at this nice boys feet. Oh.My.Word. MORTIFIED! I have not seen these set of dice in YEARS...and my son just happens to find them in a box we are unpacking. NICE. So what does any good mom do? Pretend I see nothing and go about my business pretending it all really is no big deal...b/c it's not...right?

-Same day, same neighborhood kid, different kid of mine. Anna Claire is missing...and so is her diaper...alas, she is found on our back deck watching this now very cultured young man cut our grass...butt necked...and peeing! GREAT! Have I mentioned we JUST moved in...I'm pretty sure he is NEVER coming back to cut our grass again! I can only imagine the stories circulating about us now. "You know that nice young family that just moved in....he works for that wonderful company that is closed on Sundays, serves great chicken, and knows Jesus...yeah, well have you heard what they let their kids play with....." I can hear it now. Small town g.o.s.s.i.p at its best. GREAT 1st impression Darley's!

-Sitting on the beach down by the 2 full moons appear. A very crowded public beach mind you. "Boys," "Mom, Dad told us to go pee in the ocean"....that he did! Maybe a little more discreetly next time, K? OK!

-I did not find my 16 month old daughter hiding in the kitchen just the other day...being rather quiet. She was not into something she shouldn't be...a rather full tube of my mac lipstick...attempting to apply some ever so carefully as to not alert mom to her mishap. She didn't pucker up for a kiss as soon as she saw me. Nope...I didn't take a picture to remember this day by either.

Oh kids! You gotta love em. At least we can look back on all these horriably embarassing or incredably frustrating moments and's usually a good belly roll laugh too:) Plus, they make great blog and rehersal dinner stories too! I'm pretty sure that picture of AC will be in her rehersal dinner slide show:)


Amy said...

I laughed so hard that I cried! This is great stuff. Makes me want to be a mom (haha!). You know I've been praying for twins one day...I might start reconsidering my prayers. Maybe just ONE at a time. :)

Anonymous said...

I was dying reading this, I miss you guys so much & thank you for the great laugh!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! The dice one had me busting up. I had to go back and reread that story a couple times. Definitely blog worthy material here girl.

The Hardy Family said...

I'm so glad you are back to posting! I love to read your funny stories! I have one to add...I did not find Scott with his pants down in the front yard peeing!!! He and Tyler were doing the slip and slide and I guess he thought it would take too much time away from his fun to come inside! He thought there was nothing wrong with showing the neighbors his rear end!!

The Carsons said...

OK, just sent you an email and then decided to check the blog to see if there were any recent updates...HILARIOUS!!! All of the "not my child" posts had me crying I was laughing so hard--life with 3 children is never dull, is it?!! Reese did the same thing with Oma's lipstick recently-the picture is now hanging on the wall-priceless:)

Amber said...

Thanks for the laugh! It has been a crazy day and I needed to smile :) Glad to hear you guys are all doing well in your new neighborhood.

The Howell family said...

ha ha ha ha!!! I'm still laughing from your son's downhill adventure in the crazy coupe! All of my lipsticks have a hole in them from a little finger digging in. I have resorted to using a lipstick brush to apply :) I enjoyed seeing you so much. Hopefully it won't be a year and a half before we see each other again!

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